Privileges /Maasara

Before the demonstration & during it

I live in Al Quds -a place you may not go to.

I never think of how much water I use for shower.

My water bill is so much cheaper than yours.

How spoiled by default I am, how spoiled we all are.

I got nerves to take off the pavement

interrupt  traffic.

I will not be beaten with shafts,

I will not go to jail.

I am so rebellious  within the borders of my own democracy

my Jew-only democracy,

I can do whatever I want, and it means nothing-

it does more harm than good,

just to help my country play pretending with   rights,

I am serving a facade of freedom of speech,

In every action I take I am an occupier,

in every action I take I am a colonizer decedent,

In everything I do I am using privileges my people don't have,

offering alliance but not equality,

offering my voice that chants what is already heard so many  times before.

I  empower myself on your account.

patronizer..

defeat my own racism!

stop praising myself for being an other!

I ask you to forgive. I am so sorry.

I don't know what to do.

Please tell me. I want a way out,

so I can be your friend, your ally, you sister,

i need to break out of my stand alone,'

How can I even ask you for anything?

because what I fight for is my own redemption of the soul,

it is mine to earn it.  It's the one privilege  I will be proud to have.

Maasara-

The speeches at Al Maasara protest were carried by Hassan, Mahomoud and Marwan,  while I do know Hassan and Mahmoud I am not sure who Marwan is and it is difficult to me to accurately recall who said what, I don't want to get anything  of what was said twisted. The demonstrations in AlMaasara often take form of speeches carried out by eloquent speakers.

"I am fighting for you too" said one of the protesters to the soldiers. "So you can clear your mind from the walls in it". "I am fighting for the Israelis too, because we need to live together". "I am not a terrorist, I don't have guns and weapons, I am a freedom fighter and I am not afraid to go to jail for 1 year,or more" said Hassan.

The soldiers' behavior and speech stand in much contrast to the noble speeches carried out by the soldiers.  The speak in a humiliating, degrading tone as they "command' the villagers and the protesters to live "because this is their region and they say so". As much as I enjoy the speeches endorsing non-violence I know that the Israelis do not endorse nonviolence and I know that they are acting out of belief that the violent one shall prevail. I honor and respect those who preach to nonviolence, while I do not know if the endorsement of non-violence is a mean to preserve the status quo , the oppression and the violence of the oppression. Taking away agriculture lands from people, evicting homes, constant denial of freedom of movement are violent actions to themselves who might lead people to choose death over love of life.

"Are you an Israeli? What are you doing here?" asked one of the soldiers, and I felt compelled to answer. "I was invited. what are you doing here. chasing children?" In my heart, I felt great sadness that the soldiers see the village as such a despicable place I shouldn't want to visit. The truth is, I enjoy visiting the Palestinian villages. First of all, these are not cities. It's something different. A change of atmosphere. A place not so crowded and noisy. Second of all, there are the cheap grocery shops, and I get to see the olive trees, some farm lands, and in  Third of  all, visiting the villages involves meeting new people, which is always a pleasure if they are friendly. This is the form of tourism I know, occupation tourism and as much as I wish to focus on acting for change within my own community I find myself unable to deny myself from using my privileges to go to the villages.  The soldiers shouldn't be there at all, mixed with civil population.  playing bosses, but still I can't help but wishing that while they are at it, they wouldn't think of the village as such a horrible place. I wish they saw those are real people living there. I wish my own presence in the village was not so colonialistic by nature, after all- I am there because of the occupation.  I wish I carried a tape recorder and have the speeches recorded on video, because my guilt feelings are nothing new or productive and are meaningless to the cause of ending this, once and for all.

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