When existence is resistance, Restraint is power & suicide is political

I am sorry I didn't go to the neighborhoods' protest today.

I passed out hard after I got back from Bet Umer weekly demonstration.

I haven't been to Bet Umer for a while

and two weeks ago I ended up there after being released from detention during Shuhada street action.

I met Saggar, a sweet person & local activist, he asked me why I don't attend Bet Umer protests anymore.

I really had no good answer, so I waited till I could make it & joined the weekly demonstration. I made it in early,

so I had time to listen to Younes & Mousa brief about Bet Umer annexation.

Younes told us how several weeks ago IOF confiscated all the fruit from the local market.

How Israel set a watch-tower at the entrance to Bet Ummer,

cutting off the people's freedom of movement by laying curfews at will.

How Israel drives the people of Bet Umer into poverty,

both by confiscating  their lands in favor of the 6 (!) colonies that surround Bet Umer & by denying the Palestinian farmers the ability to export their goods.

He said his father's income shrank from 40,000$ annual revenue to 4.000$,

but he also said that the Palestinians are holding on to their lands despite the heavy loses they endure,

& by that they turn their existence to a form of resistance.

The protest itself was rather peaceful. We chanted slogans against the occupation & Younes carried a speech.

The soldiers

issued a closed military zone order on the very own lands of Bet Umer & threatened to arrest us if we don't leave in 5 minutes.

We calmly stayed for 15 minutes & left without having

anyone arrested, a small achievement that left the soldiers somewhat bitter as they were eager to conduct arrests.

The whole event reminded me of what Ada, a Jerusalemite woman, yoga teacher & an activist told me about the power of being restraint.

The heat today was rather devastating.

I passed out with a great headache & only woke up to learn that a man,

Moshe Suliman set himself on fire because of debt.

I don't think it is exaggerated to say that there is a feeling of collective grief in the air.

I feel I understand why he did what he did.

I too felt the fear of being homeless (I didn't become a

homeless because I was eventually helped by good people).

I felt the walls of despair closing on me.

I encountered the deaf & blind, evil bureaucracy.

This person could have been me

& if I could I would go to the offices of social security & public housing & smash their windows myself.

Now again I am finding comfort in not knowing what is the right thing to do.

Watching two edges, between bursting in flames & calmly carrying speeches,

I can't tell which combination of tactics, strategies,

spontaneous actions will spark an uprising, bring the much awaited change.

I am unsure if we can change. As Josh Shahryar said, violence do solve problems,

but it also creates new problems.

I don't know what does it take to fulfill my duty as a moral being & not to stand still  while people are being oppressed.

How to be fair. How to be judged by history for good. Sometimes I think I can lay back & relaxed because Kul Al Maktub, it is all written down for us from above,

I can try my best but things are not in my hand. Anat once told me you don't have  to be a believer to pray. You don't pray for a supernatural power, a prayer is a wish for your will to

come true. I am going to close my eyes & pray for Moshe Suliman, the man of fire, for Saggar, who was badly beaten & arrested a few weeks ago, for a friend who is seeking asylum, for

my own mother who struggles life, for my sister, for my baby Will who is fighting evil in his way, and for myself, because I need to make peace with myself, have some peace of mind.picture credit @cheimonette

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