I like my privacy. I like feeling sheltered within my own room. In fact I like it so much I don't often invite guests. I like to sleep, leave my cellphone on silent mode, disconnect from the outer world, clearing the cache of my mind. Palestinians who go through night raids are being deprived from their privacy, denied sleep. I like, once in a while, when I have money, to travel to other places, visit other cities or villages, just because new sights are refreshing. Palestinians in the west bank & Gaza need permits that aren't easy to acquire, and quite often they are postponed in checkpoints for long hours, denied of the right to manage their own time, denied of the right to see their relatives whenever they like,Get medical treatment, go to their studies at the universities that accepted them.
I enjoy civil court system while in the west bank, the Palestinians are subjected to martial law, and there are more, so much more privileges I, as an Israeli Jewish woman enjoy, that Palestinians don't have, and those privileges make true solidarity between them impossible, because someone being so well fed cab not "understand" the suffering of a hungry person, and besides , the only suffering I can understand is my own. What other people go through, I can just imagine.
I wish I could say, there you can have my privileges,
I don't need them, but what good will it do? I can not give my privileges, i can't pass them to another person, hand them out.
Unfortunately, suffering isn't unique phenomena that only applies to one kind of people. Suffering can't be compared, or relative. There are no arbitrary quantities of suffering. Suffering can be collective or individual.
As a privileged individual, I suffer alienation from the society I live in, that is racist & intolerant from basis.I suffer detachment from families & friends who won't accept my views, I suffer clinic depression & the stigma & prejudices related to it. I suffer my own over sensitivity that makes me kind of obsessed with anything related to human rights. I suffer my inability to disconnect, venting, relaxing because this is how life here is all about: something bad is always happening.I suffer having my own limits, of not being able to do everything I can and I suffer the guilt and shame for what my own people are doing as occupiers.
I am not asking for compassion. I think it is my own suffering that is motivating me to do whatever I can to be in solidarity with other people who are suffering, because solidarity is empowering for both sides.
I am not asking for compassion and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me: all I am asking is for people to understand that I do what I can, and even as a privileged one, I have my own limits & inabilities to fight against, I keep asking myself : am I doing my best? Is there more I could do? and I don't always know what is the most effective tactic to adopt.
But I try, and in every day, I hope I can do better. With all my heart, I do.